Buzzword Bingo, part two

All right, that’s enough math.

How about sports analogies? Business loves them, all about teamwork and competition. Politicians like to use them too, usually about conflict: the ball’s in our court. We have to run with it. But those make sense. Third strike, you’re out. Take a time-out. Call a foul. Slam dunk. Ballpark figure.

Here’s one that gets me, though: level the playing field. This one goes for everything, Business of all kinds: "computers level the playing field in design" "Coalition for a Level Playing Field, a group of privately-owned parts stores in Northern Ohio struggling against larger chains"
efforts of Women In Cable and Television to level the professional playing field for women in the industry
Insurance--Public claims adjusters can level the playing field for you...
Education –"... public universities should not receive direct subsidies in order to provide a level playing field for private institutions."
Excuse me, but aren’t direct subsidies the DIFFERENCE between public and private universities?
And even SPORTS (though not in a literal sense) uses this particular sports analogy--Will new Olympic drug tests level the playing field? Black coaches--The Level Playing Field™(LLC) - "a comprehensive guide and database to assist in the identification and selection of African-American football coaches in the collegiate and professional arenas."
Politics, of course: the Post reports: "We’re told that the cash from the U.S. Treasury is necessary because unfair obstacles block opposition candidates as they try to communicate with the Yugoslav public." The newspaper added: "U.S. officials say they are seeking only to level the playing field."
So maybe the operative phrase here is "unfair obstacles."

Level the playing field. Let’s think about that. How much sense does that actually make? Aren’t most playing fields pretty level? At least in organized sports, and can someone tell me any non- organized sports these days? Not even community youth league. Kids don’t play pick-up games anymore. It’s all organized. They’ve got people maintaining the fields. And even if the playing field isn’t level, you change sides during the half. So there’s more than having a level field–there’s sun, wind, mud.

Level the playing field. Just everybody stop using the phrase, or never start. Edit it out of anything you see. Just say "no" to "level the playing field."

Raise the bar. Everybody’s raising the bar: business, government, education: We find a virtual agency which designs and implements dynamic systems, promotions, and events that raise the bar for creativity and quality; classes at U of L raise the bar on appreciation of wine and food; eMachines Raise the Bar for Simplicity on the Internet; Government must raise the bar in IT project management; States Raise the Bar on Teacher Standards. Everybody seems to be raising the bar. But what does it mean? What’s the reference? Pole-vaulting? High jump? When else does "raising the bar" mean going for a new standard? Certainly not limbo dancing. You have to lower the bar on that one. So how come so many people from so many different areas of life use a term from an almost inconceivably obscure sport? Because somebody else did.

Wouldn’t it be fun if people started using analogies from other sports. Take horseshoes for instance. I mean, horseshoes is an ancient and noble game. They have pitchers, and they play innings. So what if instead of "surging Christmas sales showing a solid gain, but not a home run." we said "surging Christmas sales showing a solid gain, but not a ringer." Doesn’t have quite the same impact, does it? Not a ringer? Maybe it’s a leaner.

What about polo? Now there’s a sport. You play polo, you’re talking serious equipment. To play horseshoes you need some dirt and a stake and some horseshoes. I mean, they’ve got all kinds of complicated rules if you look at the tournament event rules, but basically, it’s tossing horseshoes at a stick in the ground. But polo? You’ve got to have a horse!!! Well, they call it a "mount," but it’s a horse, or a pony. And there’s all the tack and protective gear for the player and the horse, and a ball, and a mallet. There’s a lot of rules about eligible mounts. The mount can’t be "blind" (even in one eye) or "showing vice" (kicking, out of control). The mount can score a goal, though, if it knocks the ball with its hoof. It’s called a "pony goal."

Polo’s a pretty tough game. The game doesn’t stop unless something really bad happens, like if the mount’s girth breaks and the player is in danger of falling. If the player falls, he is allowed 15 minutes to recover, unless he loses consciousness, in which case he can’t play the rest of the day.
I went to a polo game once. It was actually pretty low-key and fun. I think it was the equivalent of a pick-up game of polo, if such a thing is possible. Anyhow, there were a bunch of people there at the field just sort of sitting on their cars and watching. Tailgating, if you will. At half time, (they call the periods "chukkers") people got off their cars and walked around the field smashing the clumps of dirt and grass dug up by hooves and balls and mallets. It’s called "divot stomping" (hey! We’re leveling the playing field!).

Anyhow, wouldn’t it be great if instead of saying something like "we struck out" if a bill or something didn’t pass, the governor or somebody said, "our girth broke" to indicate the bill was out of control and in danger of failing!!! Or, for a minor set-back, "we just broke a stirrup leather, but we’ll be back." Hey, and after a really messy debate, the TV pundits would be talking about reconciling the parties and they’d say "there will be a lot of divot stomping" after this debacle. Or if you’re working hard but facing stiff competition, and things finally go your way, instead of saying you got a "lucky bounce," what if you said it was a "pony goal!"

Polo talk. How about jai alai? A game of action. How about the next time somebody does something unethical, illegal, or just plain against the rules, what if instead of calling it a foul, or saying someone was "hitting below the belt," we go jai alai on them and declare the malfeasance a "TWO WALL" SERVE.

More buzzwords coming soon . . .